Interlude Monologues 7: Modern Love
My name is Fran, as in Francesca.
Not Fan as in fanatic or lunatic, or that thing you use to refresh yourself. Not Fra but Fran.
I mean baby, you can… Baby? Why am I calling you baby? We just met. No, we haven’t. That’s the thing we haven’t even met and I’m already using pet names. It sounds weird, doesn’t it? Maybe you don’t think so. Not that I’m a baby. Do you? I meant the pet names. It’s too soon. It sounds inappropriate. Sorry, I keep rumbling. I don’t mean to. To be sorry and rumble. I tend to rumble, that’s what I do. A lot. Especially when I’m nervous ‘cause we haven’t met.
I’m just assuming you wanna meet sometime. For a coffee maybe or for drinks. I mean do you wanna meet me for drinks? ‘Cause I feel like going for a coffee is so overrated, that’s something old people or business partners do. Right? I mean that’s something people used to do in the 1900s, go for a coffee, sit down and chat for hours. I feel like today people meet at a bar and it either goes two ways, you pay for drinks and we say goodbye with a hug or you pay for drinks and I end up staying the night at your apartment. And we’re not partners. Not yet. I don’t know. We might as well be. Who knows? Anyways, I just want to say your pictures look nice. I mean you look good, hot. You’re hot. You look hot, like those kinda guys you find in magazines or Riverdale. One of those Netflix series for teenagers, where they look too good to be true. To be mine anyways. Are you? Not too good to be mine but are you even real? I’m just asking ‘cause I’ve heard all kinds of stories about these things. I’ll believe you though.
I actually know someone who ended up texting a guy for a year and they video called and everything. They even met a couple of times and almost had sex. And after a year she finally worked up the courage to have ‘the talk’ with him. One afternoon after they got intimate and the guy… well he’s a very busy kinda guy, travels a lot for work. He got really drunk and told her he loves her but couldn’t be with her. I just thought, how fucked up is that? I mean, is that even possible? How can you love someone or tell someone you love them but not do anything about it?
I mean, he could have tried, right? ‘Cause when you love someone, you make it work. That’s what I think anyway and maybe that just happens on Disney. Either that or the guy said what he said with no intention ’cause he was drunk. But isn’t that when people actually tell the truth or the truth comes out of them? So, maybe, he meant it. Subconsciously. It’s just sad really, you need to get drunk to say something like that. I mean, you shouldn’t even be saying stuff like that when you’re drunk.
I think people come here just for fun. They just want a little fun in their lives and that’s fine, not judging. We want fun ‘cause we feel lonely. It gets lonely sometimes, I get it. But then, you don’t see it coming and that thing you say at the beginning, let’s keep talking and seeing where things go, it’s all very well but before you know it, BOOM love happens and now what? And you start wondering, what the hell did I get myself into? So, you tell her you need time to think about what happened but that’s bullshit, you’re not gonna think about it, you already did. And that’s when you become distant and you become distant ‘cause you don’t know what you want or maybe you do and it’s just not her. And you brush away what happened, hoping that it’ll go ‘cause the truth is, you don’t wanna have to deal with whatever happens next. It usually means, disruption ahead. I wasn’t meant to fall for this girl, I was just having fun. No expectations remember? But you do, you end up falling for the person you’ve just been meeting and telling everything about yourself and your family for a year because that’s just the way these things go. It’s called biology for fuck’s sake. And what happens when you contradict biology? You fall ill. Eventually. You get depression and you go to therapy wondering why you’re depressed and suffering from mental illness. Because that’s how the world is built, to make us work hard to achieve something greater than ourselves and when we get there we want more, without ever realising that what we have been trying to achieve has been there the whole time. And it’s even harder to realise this when you’re young and before you know it a whole life will pass you by and you just forget. The thing is, you don’t forget. You reject it. You don’t want it. Because whenever something good happens to us we pull away from it. There’s this subconscious desire to stay in conquest mode. We like the fantasy of something that could be but as soon as the possibility becomes the thing itself, we reject it because it’s too real to be interesting anymore. So, we move on to the next thing or the next person.
But anyway, I just wanted to say you look really hot and I’d love to go for drinks sometime. By the way, I’m Fran, as in Francesca.
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