Interlude Monologues 6: Cogito, Ergo Sum
Who am I?
I don’t know.
Who are you?
I don’t know.
Who are we?
What is this bag of bones made of?
It is made of bones, I know.
But then, what are bones made of? And why am I inside a bag of bones?
Why cannot I be outside of it?
Could it be that we inhabit our bones or is it the other way round?
I wanna be out of it. I wanna be a boy and a girl, a man and a woman. I wanna be all of it or none of it at all. But I wanna be outside. I wanna be out, looking in and wondering what it feels like to have a body and be a part of one instead of being in a body, wanting to be apart from it.
There’s this thing with bodies that I never really understood.
I mean, a body, it’s not an object, right? But then, what is it really? I mean, it can’t just be flesh and bone for no reason. Why all the fuss creating this immense structure formed by cells with different molecules for no reason at all?
Maybe there’s not a specific reason but there must be a purpose for us to exist, right? I mean we live inside a body so there must be a purpose other than supporting our existence, for it to exist. But even if there’s no purpose for bodies to exist, I refuse to believe we’re merely mortal things that exist as objects in a quantitative world of numbers and figures and so many restrictions.
I wish we could be like the universe. I mean, we’re part of the universe. But I wish we could just exist without reason. Like the universe. It has no reason to exist, it just exists.
Sometimes, I wanna know why but I don’t have to know why but I do wanna have a purpose, I do want things to have a purpose for existing.
What if there were no restrictions and these bodies could move freely? Do you think we’d become outsiders to our own being or would we always have to carry a certain awareness within us?
You might say, ‘but a mind can’t exist without a body.’
And if we became outsiders to our own bodies, what do you think would eventually happen to our sense of self and the experiences we live through?
I mean, after all, it’s in the body that we carry these experiences with us and these experiences are part of both the mind and the body. The mind is in the body so I imagine if we became outsiders to our own bodies, those experiences would somehow lose meaning and I wonder if they’d still have a purpose? And whether there could ever be a purpose without meaning?
What does it mean? What does it mean? Christ! Not everything has necessarily to have a meaning, or does it? Some things have no meaning at all, they just are.
I should probably just shut up and stop asking too many questions.
But that’s the thing with questions, we’re supposed to ask.
Questions make us think about stuff. They make us think. They give us a purpose, to think. When we’re questioning, it shows that we’re aware of our place in the world, in relation to ourselves and others. It shows we’re not just some inanimate beings standing somewhere in space, completely inactivated.
Maybe that’s the difference between the body and the mind. One is concrete and the other just… exists. The body is flexible and organic. We can see it and touch it. It is sensitive and warm unless you’re dead… and when another body presses against ours we can feel its texture because they’re different. Bodies are different.
Could you imagine if they were all the same?
How dull, we couldn’t talk about curves, nor breasts, nor the size of certain body parts that make bodies exactly what they are, just bodies. They’re not you. They’re a representation of you. Your body.
But the mind is different. I think sometimes the mind manipulates the body and the way we perceive things in such a way that we become disconnected. The mind is wicked. It distorts things. It distorts the body and its beauty. The body is…it is what it is really, but the mind has a life of its own and controls the body.
And that thing I was saying earlier on about the mind not existing without a body.
Yes, maybe it doesn’t or maybe it does actually and I think that can be seen when we get old and we die.
Because the mind is in so many ways a bit like the universe, so full of life but also death, so abstract, it can take you through multiple dimensions at the same time and yet, you’re only able to be in one space at a time. And if you think about it this way, I think we’re all non-existent. We only exist in a material world because we have a body but we can be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
Uh, it is scary! It’s scary when you start thinking about it really.
And maybe that’s what happens when we die, our mind transfers bodies and we become someone else with no recollection of who we were, nonetheless, someone else and we live on…like the universe, the mind mutates and we live on even without a body.
But who knows, right?
Have a story to share? Contact us.
Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram!